Yesterday I held a workshop and had the high school participants describe what was essential for a good quality of life. They were incredibly insightful and cited the importance of family, friends, opportunities to grow and succeed, as well as having basic necessities of food, shelter and water, and even having trees and natural areas. They then participated in an activity where they had to balance the challenge of growing out of poverty but also protecting the world’s environment and resources. I was surprised to find that they (at least in the game) were very willing to sacrifice extravagance (like large houses and high incomes) so they could help other groups have better living conditions and so they could protect the environment. I think some of their insights into quality of life, or general happiness, are right on target.
But what do the academics and scientists have to say about happiness? The idea of a scientific study on happiness might make some hard-scientists squirm, but I’ve read a few of these studies, and I think these are actually pretty useful. Today I came across this article that summarizes some of the latest findings, and I thought it was pretty insightful (since I have come to the same conclusions in my life, it must be right…right!?)
So apparently, the keys to happiness include: celebrating and appreciating your circumstances, progress, and personal victories (small and large), spending time with people (even while doing something that is not typically enjoyable like commuting or chores), helping other people out, and feeling a sense of control in your life.
The last one I list (#3 in the article) is probably one of the most challenging. We often do not feel in control, especially if we have a controlling boss, parent, etc. I happen to have one poignant experience where I realized the importance of this one. It was when I was still in college and had had an exhausting week and had no motivation to go to a class that was really demanding and unstructured. But I took about 5 minutes to sort of “meditate” and think about the fact that I had the power to decide my next course of action. By taking time to consider my course of action, I felt more in control of my decision. While I couldn’t control the consequences of whatever decision I made, I could control the decision I made and I could then be proud of making that decision. By simply recognizing that I was making a conscious decision, I felt empowered and motivated…and dare I say “happy”.
But I can’t leave you without a criticism/disagreement…this is a soapbox, after-all. So I do have some beef with the author’s first point.
At first, this point reminds me of something I read in The Tao of Pooh (great book!) that encourages us to not compare ourselves to others, but rather to compare ourselves to our own abilities and goals. For example: “did I do my best?” rather than “did I do better than someone else?”
But then, the recommendation takes a wrong turn and encourages people to compare themselves with people who are less well-off so they remember to appreciate what they do have. Sure this is a good first step (I admittedly do it too), but I wouldn’t recommend it as a long-term strategy because it gives us satisfaction when others fail. Instead, I prefer to think that we are all on the same team, trying to achieve success (happiness) together.
I agree with you that comparison with other people’s circumstances is not the safest nor most ethical route to happiness. In fact, it tends to make me feel worse when I’m already down about something think that someone may have it worse than me. That way of thinking seems to add guilt and ill-placed pity; two unproductive emotions. But I think choosing to take pleasure in what is enjoyable in your own life goes a long way. Like you said, you felt happy about making the decision to approach a difficult sitatuation in a positive manner. Psychological studies have shown that choosing to focus on something pleasurable after a stressful moment can actually mitigate the physical results of stress. So even if you can’t remove something intensely stressful, you can match it with an intensely pleasurable thought or activity to reduce the effect of stress. Not only does this reduce stress but it makes you happier! I think our society focuses too much on: “what’s missing from my life that’s making me unhappy?” as if happiness were a destination, or a goal. I find it more empowering to believe universally attainable happiness is a way of living, thinking, and acting. I think it requires a conscious (and constant) effort to appreciate, simply, what is good in life. The strength to overcome whatever challenges we face can be found in this happiness-producing approach.
I like the idea of focusing on something pleasurable after a stressful moment! It makes me think of the endorphins that are released during/after a really hard work-out or a long run. It seems like a great strategy to help us view the tough times in life in a more positive light. Thanks, Zephyr!